Okay, back from the league office in Italy for a series of owners meetings where a new set of playing rules were passed. These new rules will be enforced without exception and violation will result in immediate expulsion from the league. Govern yourselves accordingly. Our refereeing corps has been provided with a copy in braille.

Early Game – Scotland vs Italy

Big stakes early game with the winner guaranteed at least a share of first place in the standings. Italy with seven missing players getting help from Ireland’s Tim Freeman and Johnny Fasulo to get them up to 10 players.

Dave Vincelli breaks the ice early in the first period on a goal against Italy’s substitute goalie — some old guy named Vladislav Tracksuit or something from rent-a-goalie. But a few espressos on the bench and the Italians were back on track with three goals from Dwayne Tygesen, John Levac, and sub Johnny Fasulo to end the period 3-1 for Italy.

League veteran Jim Maguire was overheard screaming at his team in the locker room between periods and he led by example, scoring two goals in less than 30 seconds – a one-man Maguire show – to tie the game at 3-3 midway through the period.

Non-stop action ensued with sub Johnnnnnnny Fasuuuuuulo getting his second goal of the game to put Italy up 4-3. Moments later Scotland’s Brad Stoll responded, knotting the game at 4 goals a piece, fans going insane, bagpipes squealing, kilts fluttering in the Port Credit breeze.

Then last year’s Art Ross winner Greg Platt put Italy up 5-4 going into the third period and nervous fans braced for a knuckle-biting final frame. But alas, it was a goalie show with Italy’s substitute closing the door and Scotland backstop Stewart Henderson allowing only one off the blade off Matt Goddard. Final score Italy 6, Scotland 4.

Scotland Player of the Game goes to Scotty McCallum on the bagpipes while Italy’s John Levac may-ka da pizza for Italy.

Late Game – Slovenia vs Ireland

Another big game as Ireland seeks to dig out of last spot while Slovenia looking for their share of first place with Italy. Team Sponsor David Dodic stretches the netting early on a feed from rookie Ciro Napolitano but league veteran Pat McCormick answers a minute later to tie the game up at 1.

Slovenian sub Chris Deware bags one with 3 minutes left to make it 2-1 for Slovenia and then Dave Dodic gets his second of the period with only a minute left to give the Slovenians a comfy 3-1 lead going into the second period.

Irish eyes were crying. And then the Irish got fighting. Holy cow.

There once was a team from Dublin. Whose offence in the first was troublin. They called Riopelle to come give ’em hell, and he smashed those poor boys from Ljubljana (it rhymes in Slovenian).

Yah, that was pretty much it. Ireland’s backstop Tony Cioffi decided that three goals in the first was enough and absolutely SHUT SLOVENIA DOWN. ZERO goals against in the second period. ZERO goals against in the third period.

Meanwhile the Irish scored four more goals in the second and, for good measure, another four in the third. League goal leader Paul Riopelle gets a hat-trick. Fabulous Joe Peacock picks up a deuce. Tim Freeman, Bruce Freeman, Steve Sparrow, and Johnny Fasulo add singles. Final Score, Ireland 9, Slovenia 3. That is how you climb out of the basement, people.

Slovenia POG goes to sponsor Dave Dodic, while Bruce “Fountain of Youth” Freeman kisses the Blarney Stone for Ireland.

A fantastic PCOHL season shaping up here with great action every game. After 6 weeks the first and last place teams are separated by only 2 points. Shenanigans have been kept to a minimum. Locker room conversation remains deep and philosophical.

Next week’s games feature Portugal vs Slovenia in the early match and Ireland vs Italy in the late game. Have a great week and keep yer sitcks on the ice.